Alright, alright! Story time boys and girls. Everybody gather around and listen to what this Chicago meatball (me) did once upon a time in Atlanta.

Let us begin. So anyone that knows me, knows I am obviously not a Lebron James fan. I also dislike Tom Brady a great deal. No, this isn’t exactly earth shattering news, but stay with me and let me quarterback this thing. Pun sort of intended.

That being said, I don’t think I have as much disdain or genuine disgust for a sports figure the way I do for Isiah Thomas. To clarify, I’m not talking about the 5’6 Isaiah Thomas who currently plays in Boston. I’m referring to the Isiah Thomas who played for the Detroit Pistons back in the mid 80s and well into the 90s. You might be virtually asking me, “Yo JG, you talking about the same Isiah Thomas who is a perpetual womanizer (a repeat alleged rapist), former racist, fake tough guy, and a downright dirty player who in my eyes is somewhere between a cockroach and the white stuff that accumulates on the side of your mouth when you’re thirsty. You talking about that guy, JG???” YES MY FRIEND, THATS THE ONE!

Glad we’re all on the same page.

Okay, all bad jokes aside, Isiah Thomas has had more sexual assault allegations against him than I’ve had speeding tickets. And let the record show, I drive with a heavy foot.

Anyways, so when I worked at a certain sports radio station in Atlanta, I got to meet guys like Shaq, Charles, Isiah, Kenny, Reggie, and Webber because NBA TV and TNT were based in Atlanta. So they’d frequently drop in for on-air NBA segments when requested.

To clear the air, Shaq is literally larger than life and genuinely as delightful a guy as you’ll ever find. I know Barkley gets a bad rap, but I got to tell you, Charles really knows how to light up a room. Just a flat out hysterical dude who likes to crack a lot of jokey jokes. And Reggie Miller well Reggie is just as corny in real life, a bit awkward, but a nice enough guy. They’re all very fascinating in their own ways, therefore I made sure to always go out of my way to introduce myself and shake almost every one of their hands. Almost.

Well, hear me and hear me well when I tell you I never once shook this man, Isiah Thomas’ hand.

Listen up, I despise this dude so bad, that one day I walked by this midget (still taller than me) in the office and I casually dropped my left shoulder into his as we passed one another. I don’t know what came over me. It was almost like my body overrode my brain and directed me towards him. Immediately, I thought I had gone too far. Until of course, he turned around and said, “Uh excuse you!” like a f*@#ing fairy.

Naturally, I turned around too and just so happened to be wearing a grey Bulls championship sweatshirt, to which he exclaimed, “Oh a Chicago fan!” He proceeds to wave his hands around faking like he’s scared (he was). Look, now I had to respond. He just challenged me! Sure, I may have started this war, but I was not about to let this punk ass end it.

So I fired back with, “This is the part where you tuck tail and go hide behind Lambeer and Rodman.”

For those of you who are unaware of the NBA warfare going on during the 90s, Bill Lambeer and Dennis Rodman were two of Thomas’ teammates in Detroit. Both of whom were well known to muck it up with opponents. Ya know, ACTUAL tough guys. Thomas was an instigator on the court, yet when the situation got hairy he’d shrink like a cotton tee shirt in hot water and let one of the “Bad Boys” clean up his dirty messes.

So, BOOM! Score a gazillion for the good guys, right? Boy did it feel good too. Seriously, invigorating. IN MY HEAD, as soon as I uttered those words, all the office fire alarms went off, the emergency sprinklers exploded, and the police sirens were deafening.

Snap back to reality. I was bracing myself for a major humdinger. I’m talking like a, “Hey kid where did you play again?” Or, “You want an autograph?” God forbid he drops the, “Lebron is better than MJ ever was.”

But I expected too much from this chump.
He basically choked on his chuckles, laughed it off and had nothing more to add to our brief exchange, which abruptly ended in a TKO winner for, ya boy.

~SHOUTING~ I say again, he’s the ONLY athlete I’ve ever shown an OUNCE of disrespect too. EVER! There are guys I don’t root for due to fan allegiances. It’s silly I know, yet we all have them. But guys, this was deeper. Isiah Thomas has major character flaws. And what’s worse, he’s never been held accountable. That’s right, he has somehow been able to wiggle his way out of the smallest of dog houses with his perfect smile planted on his smug face.

So I guess at this point if you want to judge me, fine, just know I’m very firm on my anti-rape stance.

And don’t kid yourself, Thomas has always had a scratchy personality. He was brought up in the real Chicago ghetto. As in, I don’t have near enough melanin in my skin to even visit where he grew up. No my friends, that would NOT be good for business. Anywho, he had a very, very poor upbringing, but his older brothers always protected him. “Protected him” was the optimal phrase there.

I tell you this story not to be a complete jolly hardo, but because I need you all to know I truly hate this guy’s guts, mostly for good reasons. As a Bulls fan, he was the enemy. As a man, his existence offends me.

Again, definitely not intending to be braggadocios here, but it happened and it happened because that scumbag has gotten away with everything he’s ever done/said wrong in life. I just needed him to know, he’s not an untouchable. As far as I’m concerned, I did my part.

–JG

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