Listen, when you live in Arizona there are going to be a few compromises. Yes, we are known to be a great destination. Arizona has been acknowledged, again and again, for our pristine golf courses, college rivalries, sunsets that God himself paints at the end of every day and yes, the weather.
Now, wait a minute. I might have lost you, but put that ice pack back on your head and grab a seat in front of a fan. I’m going to help you, I swear.
We live a spoiled life for nine months of the year and the trade off is three months of blazing heat. Like literally every time you walk outside, BOOM baked with piping hot air. Every time you get in your car, BOOM you’re sweltering in an oven that you have no choice but to sit in. But, there is hope! There is relief!
During the months of summer it is in your best interest to choose your activities wisely, and trusting me would be very wise.
1.Use the pool
It is a known fact 94.478% of residents in Arizona have some type of pool in their backyards. (Google Maps is my reference in this matter) I don’t know if you all know this, but the pool is available any time of the day this time of year. And let me be clear about what I mean when I say use the pool. I do not mean that you should host a pool party where all the girls do their make up to the point that renders the water in the pool unusable. You know the girls I mean, the ones that find the most revealing cover up in their closets, the sexiest heels, do the most with their hair and then have the audacity to go on a tweet rant when someone pushes them in the pool, AT THE POOL PARTY. Yeah, those ones.
Do not be dazzled by all the pictures taken on the side of the pool at Vegas-style pool parties. Do yourself a favor, stop trying to impress people you barely know, and cool off with a graceful cannon ball.
2. Surf The Web
As a proud millennial, I will seriously tell you, that contrary to old-world thinking, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to look at the good ol’ interwebs. It makes you smarter. How do you think I knew the exact percentage of pool owners in Arizona off the top of my head? I’m blowing your mind, I can feel it.
Stupid companies like FOX are doing away with their digital media teams, and that’s fine because I wasn’t going to recommend them anyway. I won’t tell you what to search, but there is plenty to view and learn and it can all be done from the comfort of your home and no one will judge you. Wait, I lied, I am going to recommend something for you to search.
Animal videos. Watch as many as you can and don’t let anyone discourage you from it. You’re welcome in advance.
3. Social Media
Totally different from just searching the web, social media is here and it’s not going anywhere. Believe me when I say that social media can provide hours upon hours of entertainment. Don’t listen to grandma, grandpa, or mom and dad. Social media is not bad. Let me shout it so everyone can hear this… SOCIAL MEDIA WILL NOT BE THE DEATH OF US. MILLENNIALS ARE NOT WASTING TIME ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
Actually, while I’m on the subject. How hilarious is it that most people over the age of 40 make a big deal out of “young people” on social media. Really, there are some people that literally go out of their way to make a person feel bad for checking social media and taking time to communicate through different apps BUT meanwhile they make sure Facebook is always at their fingertips and make sure to document everything on there for their friends… contradicting af. Idk maybe they just don’t know what to say or they think it’s funny. I speak for all millennials when I say, IT’S NOT FUNNY.
Being on social media doesn’t mean you’re prone to connecting less in real life. The next time Arizona reaches record-breaking numbers in temperature (i.e. 124 degrees Fahrenheit), check out these entertaining fools.
Twitter: @Hawkins_1 ; @skennysailors
4. Hit The Gym
People, people, people. Pay attention, people. Summer bodies do not come when summer does. It is constant work to get the figure you want for the swim suit you want. And the bod you want starts in the kitchen, but I’ll cover that another time.
I am going to propose something, so just bare with me. Just hear me out and lets see where this goes… What if… remember you said you would hear me out…
What if during the hot days of summer we all hit the gym to escape the heat?! Yeah sure, you’re exchanging outside heat for inside heat, it’s totally still escaping the heat and I do not have the patience to argue with you about it. It’s too hot for all that. It’s different and you know it.
This will be great because while everyone else is preparing to bulk up and hibernate — Lol oh wait, no humans don’t do that. I watched a video about bears before I decided to write this. Anyway, while all the other humans are searching for snow jackets, after all your hard work during the summer, you will be ready to rock a hot winter bod in your summer clothes because you live in Arizona! Spoiled with great weather, remember?
5. Netflix… Not
I’m not one to bash Netflix, but I admit that I did low-key boycott them after they removed Chopped for no good reason. It’s a great show, we all love it, don’t try to fix what ain’t broke. That’s day one stuff, Netflix.
Because I know that a majority of us end our day with a show we love (or pretend to love because Chopped was so viciously taken from us), an even more glorious way to spend the day is alone. Yes, you heard me. Spend some time or even a day alone. Now, you don’t have to go all Beyoncé “Me, Myself, and I” circa 2003. That’s not what I’m saying.
Use the day to try do something you’ve been meaning to make time for or something you’ve always wanted to try. Read a book, do a crossword puzzle, set aside time for yoga, or try a new recipe for homemade ice-cream. I could go on, but I would rather you take your time to find what you love or want to try. I don’t want to get all preachy on you, but I honestly believe it will be a great way to beat the heat. And it is refreshing as hell.
I’ve been writing to beat the heat and I made some guacamole that is arguably the best guac in the world so, if, at the very least, this inspires anyone — anyone at all, to concoct the tastiest queso the world has ever seen… Well then, my job is done. And if that person is you, HMU immediately so we can trade.